I’ve Always Been Her

• 2022

“I was, I am and I will be crazy. I was born crazy, I grew up to be crazy”.

The work consists of a psychedelic sculpture of a nerve cell and a soundtrack referring to a popular disco polo song, in which the songwriter makes a woman believe that she is crazy and she has always been like that. Modzelewska refers to her experiences connected with a mental health crisis and its reception by the patriarchal society. For centuries, the “madness gene,” like hysteria, was attributed exclusively to women. They were believed to be more prone to nervous breakdowns due to their alleged fragility, maladjustment, or simply because of having a womb. Madness was supposedly inherent in their nature. Although the social awareness of mental illnesses is growing nowadays, the belief that women are somehow predisposed to them is still wide-spread in many environments. Their “craziness” is downplayed, ridiculed and because they are women – also sexualised: Am I judged for it? Yes. Is it all my fault? Well, not really, but so what? I’m far from perfect, but maybe I’ve never had a chance to be an “angel” …

The work uses fragments of the song “Jesteś szalona” [You’re crazy] by the band Boys.